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I planned to make a vision board at the start of this year. And last year. And likely every year since the words “vision” and “board” made their first appearance as a couple. But how do you make one and let me search Pinterest and oh sh__ there are very close to one million guides to making a vision board and maybe I’ll just go to one of those vision board parties but what if it’s awkward and I drink too much wine and my board fills up with visions that are not of normal me, but of tipsy me?
So here I am, exactly 7 days into the new year, boardless. Weighed down by even the smallest decision to do something new. This sucks to admit, but this has been my life since becoming a mother and being forced out of my career as a teacher. I taught for two years, just long enough to get waist-high in those waters, but I felt independent and like I had a purpose outside of my walls and my personal relationships. But then came pregnancy and surgery and bed rest and a salary that would just barely leave me with enough money to buy one week’s worth of groceries after the cost of infant daycare for two. It just wasn’t worth it.
I’d always imagined I’d return to teaching —at six months, at one year, surely at two. But with every year that I spent at home with my babies, the anxiety of leaving them in someone else’s care grew. With every home-cooked meal and load of laundry completed and errand run for Husband, the fear of feeling like a failing wife should I be even slightly unavailable to him crippled me. I had a white-knuckled grip on the life I’d worked so hard to create, the life that seemed to be pulling me farther and farther away from myself.
Just before the twins entered kindergarten, my fingers began to slip. This wasn’t going to be enough. I was still handling all the housework and other things outside of earning dollars, but these were just things that kept my body busy. My brain and soul were wilting. I’d found a bit of relief through photography, especially once I started earning money. But it still felt like not enough so I eventually took the steps to go back to school. I passed the GRE and was accepted into Texas Southern University’s counseling program. And then I chickened out. Because what if it’s too hard? And what if I don’t have what it takes to be a therapist because, I mean, I’m a bit of a mess myself and it’s going to take way too long and what if everything falls apart in my absence. Or, worse: what if NOTHING falls apart in my absence and I find that I wasn’t that important after all?
So again, here I am, exactly 7 days into the new year. Still boardless. But not without a vision.
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I’ve taken the first steps towards enrolling in whatever Masters in Counseling program will accept me in the fall and I’m going to follow through. I witnessed firsthand the power of counseling in my life and my family’s life this past year, and it’s exciting to think about the prospect of being that support for someone else. Truthfully, I’m completely terrified of this whole endeavor. But I owe it to myself to try.
Please hold me accountable.
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I went back to school to become a therapist as a second career so I know just how scary this decision can be! You won’t regret it. If you have any questions or want to talk through my experience/what you can expect don’t hesitate to reach out. Love to help like minded people down this road.
I really appreciate this and I hope you were serious about the offer because I have 4,000 questions :). It’s scary for sure but I’m surprisingly excited!
Larami this is such a dope idea I don’t know you personally but if what Sgea says about you in true you will crush being a counselor. You take care of 3 boys and one of the funniest men alive, counseling will be a piece of cake. Good luck with everything!
Haha! It’s not a job for the weak, that’s for sure ;). Thank you so much for taking the time to comment.
This is beautiful and exciting.
Thank you for sharing in the excitement!
Just wanted to let you know you’ve got this! I’m a broke college kid about to graduate soon, and I hope I end up like you and Shea. Y’all grind, and never stop trying to be a better you, and I’m trying to apply that same mentality to my own life. Thank y’all for being y’all, and congratulations! The FOH army will help in anyway possible.
This made me smile :). Honored to be an inspiration. Keep going!
Greatly appreciate these posts and for you sharing your life story. That’s very brave. I follow your husband on Twitter for the jokes & entertainment, but honestly now I follow him for these updates about you. Because it’s inspiring to me!
Sincerely wishing all the very best for you and your family. And please keep giving us updates from time to time 😊
I truly appreciate your words of encouragement. Thank you for sharing in our struggles and successes.
Hello
While I am not sure which program you may have applied to, I did want to note that Texas A&M San Antonio does offer a Masters in Counseling. My wife was formerly the director of admissions at TAMUSA (has since moved to another role at the university) but did offer any support that you may need if you wanted to pursue the degree at TAMUSA.
Thanks for all you do!
I actually just scheduled an appointment to meet with someone next week! To be perfectly honest, this whole process is a lot more involved than I expected and it’s a bit intimidating, so I might hold you to that offer of support ;). Thank you for taking the time to comment.
AWESOME! So very proud of you!
Thanks, boo! I’m just trying to follow my heroines like you.
I am a huge fan of you and you’re family as a whole. And after reading your post I must say I more of your fan then your husband now lol… don’t get me wrong he’s still hilarious but from one aspiring therapist to another, YOU GOT THIS!
I am currently in grad school to become an Expressive Arts Therapist and let me tell you those doubt do not go away. HOWEVER, you come realize that you’re not the only one doubting yourself. You’re not alone. And shits still scary but now you just have more tools in your belt to deal with whatever comes you’re way.
I hope and pray that you continue forward with your mission.
This world needs more people who are willing to set their needs aside to help others.
I believe you.
Kindest,
Daniela
This is so kind of you! And I’m definitely going to show Shea this comment ;). I’m so glad I posted this if for no other reason than now I have a list of like-minded folks to harass with questions throughout this journey! I’ll be sure to keep everyone updated. Thank you.
I did exactly 1 and 1/2 years in a school counseling program. It wasn’t for me. Turned out I just wanted to figure out how to not mess people up when they kept coming to me for advice. 😀 I think you’d do waaayyy better at this than I ever could. Congrats on pushing through!!
Haha! Thanks, Sharmon! I really appreciate the vote of confidence.
i’m a fan of your husband’s writing, and through him, discovered your beautiful photography. counseling has done wonders for my family, and it’s a noble pursuit. no matter what happens, i hope you savor every lesson that you learn. i think your post is very brave and the first step of speaking your goal into existence. best of luck, larami.
I appreciate this. Thank you. This is a great thing to keep in mind throughout my journey.
I’m graduating in May with a masters in counseling from St. Edward’s University in Austin and I 100% understand where you are coming from. I can so relate to your fear of starting this process. Truth be told, the fear of becoming a therapist wanes, but doesn’t completely go away (at least not for me). That being said, the content of your courses will help you understand this fear. For me (and a majority of my colleagues) this fear stems from the value I place on the therapeutic process. The work we do is important and impactful. It’s not something to take lightly. To do this work and not be at least a little bit scared says that you don’t understand the loftiness and sensitivity of your role as a therapist. As someone who also chose to pursue this work because of its impact on my life, the best therapy I’ve ever received was from my professors in my counseling program. It’s also the most expensive therapy I’ve ever received…but that’s a problem for another day. Best of luck and if you’d like to chat more about St. Edward’s program or the process itself, please feel free to reach out!
I’ve officially added you to my list of resources so I hope you meant it ;). Seriously, thank you for such a beautiful and informative comment. And man…CONGRATULATIONS!
The best decision I ever made was to leave the corporate world and get my masters in counseling and them my license. Since then I’ve worked in schools, hospitals, community mental health and private practice and while some days are difficult overall, sitting with people through both pain and happiness and changes has been an honor. The best therapists I know worry about their skills and effectiveness.. it’s what makes them work so hard. So go for it and don’t worry too much about academics, you need the background but the real learning takes place in the work! If I can ever answer a question feel free to reach out. Kathleen
THIS IS SO ENCOURAGING! Thank you so much. I’m saving your email address for when I have 700 questions to ask :).
Love
Thanks, Nicole! I hope you’re well.
having done something similar recently at roughly the same age (and been similarly scared by my inside monsters the whole way) i am tempted to write a multi-paragraph vote of confidence/encouragement, but i don’t want to be weird, so i will just say this is incredibly brave of you. you are believed in. you deserve this investment in your continued progression as a person. the world will be lucky to have it and better for it. you molt, you beautiful bird!
“You deserve this investment in your continued progression as a person”
I really needed that. Thank you so much.
And for future references…I’m all for weird 😉