I Did Something

Last week I completed my 200-hour yoga teacher training. It was 7 full days of lecture, yoga practice, mock teaching and meditation. I probably should have started with the meditation part because a) It’s how we began each day and b) It was the most difficult yet beneficial part of the entire program.

I’ve been practicing yoga on a highly inconsistent basis since forever. It’s always been a challenge for me – not so much the physical aspect, but the mental focus required. I can’t count how many classes I’ve prematurely exited because OH MY GOD I’M SO BORED GET ME OUT OF THIS HELL. Honestly, I think it will always be a challenge for me, but I definitely gained some patience this week. I decided to do this program for a few reasons:

1. Fear: I haven’t taken on a personal challenge in many years. The idea of making the program fit into my life and actually completing it seemed real close to impossible and made me want to run far far away from it.
2. Boredom: I mean…I was bored. We get that way. All of us.
3. Complacency: The last time I started something, finished it, and received a piece of paper or medal saying I did so was a decade ago. A DECADE. I guess I just wanted to accomplish something.

I also decided that if I were going to do it, I wanted to go out and earn the money to pay for it myself. I want to say that this decision was based on gaining a sense of independence, but mainly it was because I was pretty sure I’d either not complete it or complete it and then never use it. I didn’t want to feel guilty spending family money on a failed attempt. The timing of this couldn’t have been more perfect. Payment was due just after my busiest photography season. This afforded me enough time to earn the money and not enough time to spend it all on sushi and hair products. I even opened my own bank account for the first time since marriage. I pretty much could have stopped here and felt great.

Also, husband is at a transitional period in his career that has allowed him to be home, be paid, and have very little work to do, so he was able to stay home and take on my responsibilities for the week (thanks again, boo). It just worked. Some pretty remarkable and important things happened in this week.

First, I was not tired. Like ever. I woke up at 5:45 every morning and by the time I cooked, helped the kids with their homework, prepared their lunches and clothes for the following day, studied and practiced, I usually wasn’t in bed until after midnight. And I was not tired. Like ever. It’s still a bit of a mystery to me. I typically spend the hours of 3 p.m. until 10 p.m. in a fatigued haze. Some days I can barely keep my eyes open and that’s waking up later and going to sleep earlier than I did this week.

Also, I never wanted alcohol. Now I’m gonna just stop right here before you go thinking I’ drink alcohol every day. I don’t, ok. But there is at least one point in nearly every day that I would LIKE to drink alcohol. Not get drunk, but have a half glass of wine or whatever. Anyway, it didn’t happen this week. I felt like I *should* want to given all that was going on, but I literally couldn’t bring myself to do it. The desire simply wasn’t there.

Another thing. I didn’t miss my stay-at-home-life. This was the scariest part of all. By Wednesday (we began on the previous Saturday), I was really starting to get worried that I may just abandon my family, run off to Costa Rica or somewhere beautiful and devote my life to yoga. And just when I was looking up flights, my teacher said something that hurt my feelings. And I was sad and I was pissed and I was like “you know what…I don’t need this or you and I’m OUTTA HERE”. I actually left (because my eyes were watering and there was a volleyball in my throat) and came very close to staying gone. In that moment I wanted my family very badly. No one else. I wanted to be around the people that love me and that even when they’re not acting like they do, I KNOW they do. It snapped me right out of Operation Family Abandonment. It took a good 15 minutes for me to cry and process all this in the restroom, but I shuffled my way back in the room and made it my mission to blow the teacher’s socks off with my next attempt the following day (I did, by the way). I greeted my crew with hearty hugs when I got home that evening.

So what next? I don’t have a clue. These certifications are both for people who want to teach and those who just want to deepen their practice. When I registered, I was leaning more towards the latter group. Teaching yoga was something I never thought I’d have the guts or ability to do. But I completed the program feeling like I can actually do this. I’d still love to get a few more months of consistent practice under my belt, but I know I will eventually teach yoga and that’s a great feeling.